A lot of people think I’m a feminist. Even more think I’m some sort of intellectual. Let me dispell that latter bit right away. I’m not an intellectual, I’m not a scholar. I’m just capable of being very articulate in my bullshit.
The other thing I want to address is that thing about being a feminist. I’m not against feminism. I tend to think of myself more as a humanist in that regard, but that’s beside the point. The point is, I’m not articulate or funny or artistic or integral or what have you because I am a feminist.
I grew up without a father for the first part of my life, and I think like most girls in that situation I’ve spent a lot of time searching for a replacement. I wondered, why did my father leave me? Wasn’t I good enough? How can I be good enough to make a man stay?
It’s not very cool or flippant to acknowledge these very common feelings, but there you go, they are there.
My earliest memories are of trying to be perfect. I was well behaved, bright, precocious etc.
At the age of six, my grandfather sat me down and said, “You are very beautiful, ma cher, but eventually a man is going to want to talk with you.”
From that moment on, I endeavored to be someone interesting to talk to, someone who could be captivating.
I don’t really make erotica for women. The art I make comes out of trying to make something that will be not only appealing to men, but that will fascinate them. I’m not any good at it. I think women relate to the art I make because they recognize somewhere in there what I’m trying to do, and a lot of them are trying to do the same thing.
Over the years I’ve come to some conclusions about the kind of woman a man will be fascinated by. I won’t outline them here because pith is easy enough to guess at. It wouldn’t be earth shaking by any means.
This is why Madame Pompadour is such a hero to me. Not because of her political influence or anything important like that, but because she was able to capture the King’s attention and hold it for decades. King Louis was notoriously bored with life. He ran through friends and lovers like a girl changes clothes before a party. Yet he maintained a fascination with Madame Pompadour until she died, long after they were lovers.
There is a romance in that, and I am a romantic. I’m striving to figure out how to do the impossible. To get and hold a man’s attention forever.
It’s a narcissistic conceit.
For those women out there who are in search of sage words on the nature of love and relationships, this much I’ve gathered so far:
1. You are beautiful, ma cher, but someday, a man will want to talk with you.
2. To love a king is not bad, but a king who loves you is far better.
3. We were raised as wolves, and wolves we will remain.
Good Luck Out There,
XOXO
Sovvy.
