LUBE ON THE SHEETS…by Natasha Gornik

there are lube stains all over my sheets. i can’t get them out. i just got them back from the cleaners, my fingers were crossed. but that fingers crossed thing is bullshit, because the lube stains are still there. my sheets are brown, and the stains are dark brown. and it just looks awful. the only reason i have brown sheets to begin with is because i have a brown comforter. all brown. it’s comfy and soft, but it’s brown. the only reason i have a brown comforter is because my ex boyfriend who i lived with in chicago years ago loved the color brown and i loved him so i bought a brown comforter to make him happy. brown is a boring color, and so was my ex boyfriend. so it makes perfect sense why he wanted that brown comforter. i don’t like the word brown. the only time i like the word brown is when it ends in ie. as in brownie. and even then, i don’t like the word just what the word means. i think i’m going to toss these brown sheets. and this brown comforter. perhaps this is a bit fat fucking metaphor. or maybe i just simply need new sheets.
it looked like there was lube all over my tray on the plane ride. but sadly, it was probably just grease.

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