Sometimes I get really weird mail.  Sometimes I get really offensive mail.  Sometimes I get really uplifting mail.  And sometimes I get this:

• Conversation started March 1

• MADAME X
  I just watched some of ur movies and they r really great I LOVE ur eyes. I just noticed that u fake it alot, and was wondering do u find it hard to get there or do u just not let urself? I apologize if thats somethung u would rather not say I was just curious.

  MADAME X

  I thought I should apologize for my last message, I didnt mean to come off mean or cocky or anything I think you have amazing eyes so i couldnt help but watch them so it just made me wonder what you were thinking.
• March 2

• MADAME X

  I know your probably not getting these but I gotta ask you have you ever seen Amy Lee from Evanescence?You both have same eyes.
• March 2
• 

  1:52pm

  Sovereign Syre

  Hard not to think you’re an asshole when you come out of the gate assuming I’m faking it. Have a nice day.
• March 17

• MADAME X

  Sorry

• March 22

• MADAME X

  When I was 6 I got raped and he made me feel like I liked it, when I was 8 I was in a really bad car accident that left me in a body cast for 6 months after I spent 6 months in the hospital first. I was alone until I was 15 and i found a girl who was 18 that I just couldnt be without, after being with her for ten years I watched her drown in a dam, then I spent the next ten years on vodka.After going through that I have been taking care of my nieces and nephews for the last 8n years now I take care of my 90 year old grandmother. I found your pic on you tube and i was attracted to you. so I just wanted to explain why I ask you what I did because most of my life i have had to do that . I really am sorry and I hope you can forgive me.
• March 23
• 

  9:00am

  Sovereign Syre

  You should try a support group. It would probably be helpful for you to connect with people in your real life.

• March 24

• MADAME X

  No, thnx. and good luck to you,Bye
• April 17

• MADAME X

  I dont know why it matters so much but I need u to know that I really am sorry for being so forward im not like and dont know why I did but i felt lonely i guess. I truly am sorry.

A few things in looking at this. One I come off like an asshole. I battle with this. With the amount of shit that gets hurled at you as an adult performer, it is difficult to always know at the beginning of a conversation when compassion is called for. Moreover, these aren’t that uncommon for me. What disturbs me is that there are probably countless people out there, interacting this way, seeking help from those of us that are completely unqualified to give it.

It’s the paradox of my position.

The strangest part of being in porn is the way people just ham-handedly try to hand off their sexuality to you, like its your job, like its your job to care, etc.

I also have come to realize what a sexual wasteland most people find themselves in. I’ve come to feel like a character in an H.P. Lovecraft novel anymore, and civilians are these weird alien beings and I’m wandering in the borderlands of their psychosexual landscape.

Next time you get mad at me for not tweeting back or being curt…please refer to the above exchange and realize that its nothing personal, but this is the kind of thing I get handed on a weekly basis.

I did debate with myself about posting this exchange, as it might be exploiting this person, who for as much as I can tell from her FB profile etc, is indeed real…but I figured I expose myself for the asshole I can be as much as she is exposed, so it was kind of fair game.

The only right reason to enter any profession is because you want to.  There is suffering, consequence, and struggle in life no matter what choices you make.  Be a samurai, expect to be destroyed in battle, and then enter action with boldness.

In this movie I play the kinds of characters I don’t typically get to play in a series of vignettes that I wrote. I have a fetish for the overwrought perfectionist, the repressed Christian woman, the Stepford Wife…In these scenarios I explore themes of surrender to forbidden lesbian impulses.  I basically took the chance to play out the fantasies and sex acts that excite me….so yes, this is a selfish proposition, but I think it’s going to be one where the audience wins.

I cast gorgeous girls that I love working with and I had Dana Vespoli there to shoot camera and stills.  Dana and I get each other on “a cellular level” as she puts it, and she’s one of the only people I can think of that I trust absolutely.  She was really able to capture what I wanted on the first go.

I really feel that this project is something unique.

Well I KNOW it does, because Ela Darling performs her first anal scene in the movie.  I was very honored to have her give me something so special and I think the scene really earned it.

Here are some preview pictures from the movie.  I should have a street date and a trailer for you soon.

Sovereign

Please understand  that I will NEVER attempt to persuade you, or try to “talk you” into doing anything.  Philosophically I just don’t agree with that approach.  My art is VERY Sexual, but the sexuality must come naturally from my girls, and that only happens after they relax, and they realize I have no “hidden agenda” for them, and then I can comfortably start teaching them to have very advanced orgasms.

My girls have lots of real orgasms when we shoot, usually 30 to 40 a day (this is for real) – and I make sure of that by using Hitachi Magic Wands, Eroscillators, Sybian Sex Machines, PES Electro Sex, and Phallix Glass, etc. to teach my models how to have advanced orgasms – that is why they glow in my pictures!

I am the antithesis of “gonzo” porn!  I am always telling girls to stay away from the Bang Bus, Captain Stabbin, and all that usual FL based gonzo crap.  Those guys just want to use girls up and spit them out.

I want classy erotic girls who I can teach and train to become long term stars, and I already know that when I teach a new model to expand her sexual horizons and her sexual possibilities by teaching her to have advanced orgasms, she will keep coming back to me to shoot over and over.

Once again, I create Sexual Art.

Yes, the orgasms are real. So is the art.

I really like the photo you sent.  You are beautiful.

The more you do your research on “porn people” and compare them to what I do, you will see that I’m not just a rarity. I am alone.

This is NOT a hard line to tow. You just have to be VERY selective who you shoot with. That’s all.

The first naked photos of me on the internet.  From 2009, when I started “modeling.”

Minutes later my fangs were covered in blood…

Only a poet would really have the credentials to prioritize activities….so I guess I have no excuse.

I’m the March J-Grrl at Juliland.com.  Go join the site and watch me play!

I once had an agent tell me that there was “no market” for my “average, ordinary, girl-off-the street look.”

You should try as much as possible to avoid the unimaginative.

Also, it helps to be a versatile bitch.

Oh, and always be the-one-who-got-away.  I cannot stress the importance of being awesome in getting ahead socially…and having a short-term memory when it comes to insults.

I’m the J-Grrl for March over at Juliland.com.  You should go join and see all the photos!  I love Richard Avery, and I think he really got some good stuff out of me.