Natasha Gornik

i wore crotchless panties, black ones that felt like second skin probably due to lack of fabric. i like easy access for these sort of events, its sexier that way being in a state of undress, which is my favorite sort of dress, without revealing everything. i took a picture with my phone and sent it to him for the approval. i got it. by the time we showed up the party was in full swing full of swingers and seducers and sadists and women walked around naked holding trays of coconut shrimp and little sandwiches with tiny pieces of meat and a dot of cream smack in the center and their masks were red and sparkled and matched their lip color. we said our hellos to the people that mattered and found a space on the bed next to a woman tied to the post wearing the rope as her outfit. he took out the blindfold which is the only way i can do these things and covered my eyes and i tried to find that happy place where i couldn’t see but i could hear and didn’t know what was coming next and i relaxed a bit and felt like this may be a good time. i will like it this time, i told myself i will like it for him and for me and mainly for him and this is for him and he will appreciate me for it and we will put on a show and it will be sexy and i am not very submissive like not at all and this has become a big sore in the gut of the relationship because it’s what he needs what he wants and what he thought i was and what i thought i could be and all of this thinking as i hear him untie the rope and the clanking of mixed drinks and music and people and the woman next to me groans and i think about her and what is happening to her and how she likes it and i wish i were her no i wish i felt like she did. that i like this. but i do this for him i do this us for our sake because he makes me buckwheat pancakes in the morning and shows up when i need him to and i want him to be happy. i close my eyes under the mask and try to relax and he pulls my arms tightly together and begins to create knots and bounds my hands and knocks me onto the bed. meanly. and my mood changes during the fall and i sigh loudly and he knows what this means and everything shifts silently under the music and he wants it to work this time it will work it will be hot and she’ll be everything i need for her to be and its going to work and he flips me over onto my stomach and it hurts and i land on his thigh with my ass very high in the air and the stinging begins when the hand hits my ass and i want to hit him back and another and i’m to shout each number with no pout proudly loudly take the pain you like it you just don’t know it yet and i kick my leg but its tied to the other and my shoe slides off my heel and this makes him spank even harder and i can smell the fear and excitement on his breath its really intense and i think i have the same and my ankle is falling asleep probably because the ropes too tight but i can’t complain about that too i already begin to feel awful that i hate the spankings and the whipping and really anything uncomfortable for that matter its just not me i am not the me you thought me to be but i keep trying and you tell me that you know me better than i know myself and that i will learn to like it and its just wishful thinking really and it just gets worse as the night goes on he’d hit me i’d smack him across the face i’d even box an ear because i was no longer trying to be anything but me and i hated this and he did too but we carried on trying to pretend that we were enjoying ourselves and ended up in front of these ridiculous set ups on a black leather sofa next to a Hacidic couple on the white fur rug in front of the fireplace on a mattress with a bright overhead light above on the marble bathroom sink and finally in the bed where it all began and he noticed that they were crotchless and he put himself inside of me and we began to fuck and i was blindfolded again and i smacked him and then he started fucking me again on top and a woman’s voice asked me if i liked it and if he was my Daddy and i start to go with it and she guides us through telling us how she can tell he cares deeply and we soften and i begin to move with him and we stay there fucking and listening to her for a while and that night in the cab we are exhausted we have spent every emotional cent from our pockets and its always the same argument that i will like it or that i should like it or that he knows that i’ve failed to be what i’m not but he never says that. until he does.

this story doesn’t get a picture.