I get asked about my sexuality a lot. Sometimes I answer, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes the answer is serious, sometimes the answer is simply to annoy the querent. People are quite obsessed with my sexual preferences these days. I always sense that the real question they’re asking is, “What is your relationship to penises? Penises kind of define you, so I need to know.”
I have sex with men and women, I do scenes with men and women, but then I say that I’m a lesbian.
The question is really just a prelude, an opening gambit, so that they may tell me what my sexual preference is. That I’m bisexual, or straight, or gay for pay, or whatever else.
The real answer is: I don’t care.
But let me point some shit out to you…
1. You can’t say, “You’re gay because you say or do x,y and z.” (Well you can say it, but it isn’t true.) The reality is, you’re not in the position to give or take away someone else’s sexuality. You’re not that powerful, though you may want to be. A person’s sexuality is determined in their own mind and can shift from moment to moment.
2. The only thing you can really say is, “If I said or did x,y, and z, I wouldn’t consider myself gay because I’ve decided to confine my sexuality in specific ways.” Now that would be honest.
3. Asking someone about their sexual preferences is actually about you, not the other person, what you’re really asking them is “How do I relate to you because I only know how to relate to people based on my sexual relationship to them.”
Kind of makes you sound like a dick.
And that’s what I think you are when you ask me this question, or makes statements like “Oh, so you’re bisexual.”
No. That’s not what I said. That’s what you said. Why are you even bothering to talk to me at all if you only want to hear something that is going to reaffirm what you’ve already decided?
Why not grow a fucking backbone and own your own asshole behavior and continue shoving people into your neat little boxes without apology or posturing?
That I could actually kind of respect. I’ve always been the girl who wanted to fuck the villain of the film.
So really, and I mean this in the politest way possible my questioning friend; why don’t you go fuck yourself?
Maybe you’ll learn something.