when a boy blew cigarette smoke into your face it meant he liked you and wanted to make out with you. because i was thirteen it didn’t occur to me that it may also mean he wanted to fuck at least i don’t remember thinking that way so anyway his name was John and he had black hair and pale skin and was very tall and smelled like Drakkar Big Red gum and leather from his bomber jacket always and he wore brown Z Cavariccis and i had such a crush on him and he was sort of mean to me but not during that moment when he cornered me in the hallway at my best friend Tracy’s house while her parents were away and there were three of us and three of them and he had a Newport in one hand the cherry was bright orange-red and he brought it up to his lips and took a deep drag and blew the smoke into my face long and slow and it smelt and felt awful and i stifled a cough and just stared at him as my eyes involuntarily watered and wanted to close but i forced them to stay open and stared at him and smiled because i knew what this act meant and this was to be my first kiss and i had practiced in the mirror earlier that night and i was nervous and excited and had told Tiffany and Tracey that i had already kissed boys because i was embarrassed that i hadn’t and thought they would laugh at me so the pressure was on and i really wanted to put a line though that item on the list and here i was with John rhymes with Curly smelling his Drakkar which made my knees weak and wobbly in the dark corner of the hallway next to Tracy’s bedroom and it was two days before my fourteenth birthday and by god i was going to kiss a boy while i was still thirteen and there it was the smoke in my face the muffled gagging to show i was cool enough to take it. and then it happened with a lot of tongue and a couple of teeth bangs. by Monday morning he was back to ignoring me and it hurt that i remember but i had finally kissed a boy and that felt really good and i could still smell the smoke and Drakkar and cinnamon gum and leather and have i told his story already and this was hands down the best fucking meal i have ever had in my life and i think it’s Sunday, right?
